Judge Me?

Judge Me? Hey, Judge You buddy!

I recently had an unpleasant conversation with someone that is supposed to be close to me. I was told that i'm selfish, fake, and an ingrate. The morning of the same day i was told that i'm smart. Last week i was told how much i seem to care. a month ago i was told that i was a dick. I'm sure everyone has an opinion of me. Some high, some low. I'm sure I have an opinion of most of the people that are worthy of having an opnion of.

What does that mean?

Nothing thats what.

My opinions, just like yours are only used as a barometer of how i'm going to act towards a person. The people that don't get opinions are lumped into one category, then there's people you like, people you dislike and then you have partners, aquaintences, friends and family. Everyone of of them has a level of how you would like them to think of you as well as how you think of them.

The person that thinks i'm selfish is telling me this because they want something that i won't give them. Not that i've displayed selfish behavior in a consistent manor over the duration of our relationship, but one specific act or time frame where they decided that a judgement was necessary. Maybe they wanted thier judgement to change my decision or maybe they wanted to just ruin my day. either way the judgement was unnecessary to thier goals as well as hurtful to both myself and them because one good judgement deserves another.

All of these judgements that are made are stupid. The criteria used in judging anyone is based on either a tiny sample size of thier day, or a half truth/half story. The parameters we use are based on arbitrary limits that are made up by the judge based on however they felt they wanted to judge.

The interesting part is why they felt the need to judge in the first place. I crossed a line at some point for them to decide that it was time to find bookends to a time/place that I was present and make a determination of how they felt about how I acted.

The most amusing part of someone elses judgement of me is their own reaction to thier own judgement based on the decision to judge me using the criteria that was made up. Its amusing because some people mimic the actions they judge...which is stupid because if I was wrong, why would someone want to be wrong also, which then they would fail at thier own criteria and deserve to be judged equally. Some people offer a solution, (I feel that you would be better off if you acted like I act, or how I feel you should act because I know better). And some people just walk away.

Who is right in this situation? The clone, problem solver or the listless? or should the judges of the world focus on how they would like to be judged by someone else. All judgements are formed opinions based on personal values, preferences, and a multitude of external and internal reasons. Everyone judges things and people internally and they express them only when they want to affect someone else in a negative or positive way. The motivating factor in passing your judgement onto others is almost always for selfish reasons.

Also, all opinions are formed by a determination of how an act or function of something or someone is percieved. Some are formed by facts that drive decisions of how you will act towards them. Judging is dangerous and most times its unfounded and unnecessary. I hope if you are a judge, and reading this (that really narrows the field btw), that you take a step back and realize that judging will not make you feel better about yourself which is really where your focus needs to be.

Judging me? Go judge yourself.


Homework:

Try and not judge someone based on a small window of behavior. if you find yourself judging someone (while driving, working, or at home) think about your judement and how big of a sample of this consistant behavior makes you judge soemone.

I'm betting that the smaller sample of your judgement the more violent/harsh/praising/giving you are.